My Life and Other Ramblings

I have a shiny shiny purple bar!
I do not have a finished story nor do I have plot that is good but I have a novel and it might be editable into something that doesn't make me cringe at the thought of showing it to people.

I am win
That is all

I found myself lacking in inspiration for one of my main plot elements so I decided to have a chat with my MC. It's one of those things that makes me doubt my sanity from time to time but what came out was kinda amusing so I decided to post it here.

Me: So Bri, this whole destruction thing that you're supposed to do. What is it?

Bri: *Shrugs* Maybe if you actually got around to writing the prophecy someone would tell me and then I'd know.

Me: Great idea with one minor drawback, I need to know what you can do before I can prophesy you doing it!

Bri: You remember this whole thing about planning before you start right?

Me: Don't start with me, I might be just the author but I will kill you off if I have to!

Bri: Kidnap attempts, death threats. God you're a bitch!

Me: Right, we've established I'm a bitch. I could have told you that from the start. Anyway, you appeared in my head telling me that you had some destiny or other that involved destruction and needed you to be brought up in Faerie! And besides, Novel writer keeps telling me that I shouldn't make your life too easy.

Bri: Fine. *rolls eyes* Well what's wrong with the whole 'destroying the mists' idea?

Me: I don't know, it just doesn't seem to work so well anymore. I just get the feeling that there's something missing and I don't want to end up needing a sequel which is what will happen if we run with that.

Bri: Why do you need a sequel?

Me: Duh, because there are suddenly faeries all over the place and that makes a fun world to do stuff in!

Bri: Well there's always the vague 'let's jump on the supernatural detective bandwagon' idea you had.

Me: Yeah but I wanted magic to be relatively unknown in that one. I refuse to write LKH fic!

Bri: So don't make it porn.

Me: Not helpful!

Bri: Sorry. *Pause* So why does it have to be actual physical destruction?

Me: Well I suppose it doesn't, I just got the feeling that it was from the random draws I did with the oracle deck at the start.

Bri: What they suggested was the possibilty of overwhelming growth, something that went so far that it became destructive rather than a positive thing.

Me: And...

Bri: Well destroying the current power structure by giving them back the ability to walk between worlds would apply pretty well don't you think?

Me: I guess so. It would upset Bran though, he likes being special.

Bri: He deserves to be upset once in a while, it might stop him being so smug all the time!

(Interjection from Bran): Hey!

Me: Honey I love you but this situation is complicated enough, just ignore her ok?

Bri: Oh right, you come asking for my help and then tell the others to ignore me!

Me: Bri you are not a stroppy thirteen year old at the moment no matter where you might be in most of what I've written lately.

Bri: I like being a stroppy thirteen year old.

Me: I like writing you as one, it's fun. I don't like talking to you as one though, it makes you less than helpful.

Bri: *pout* Fine, I suppose if I don't you'll just threaten to kill me again.

Me: Destruction remember? That should be plenty stroppy enough for you.

Bri: Yeah but not if it's unintentional. Do I at least get to punch Aedan or something?

Me: Why not, or possibly Cael, I feel kinda sorry for Aedan again.

Bri: *rolls eyes again*

Me: No he isn't going to change sides, he's just feeling a little put upon.

Bri: So aside from upsetting the pretty boy do you have any issues with the whole walking between the worlds thing?

Me: Not really, I still don't know where it brings in the Wild Fae as big bads though unless you're making it easier for them to come into the world as well and they want to run amok or something.

Bri: That makes sense.

Me: But it gives them the same motivation as the Unseelie though and I don't really want that.

Bri: No it doesn't, the Wild Fae know what's going on, the Unseelie don't. Cael and Aedan just want shiny new powers to make them the new big bad in town.

Me: Hmmm.

Bri: Wow, I'm stunned by your eloquence oh mighty author!

Me: Why are you never this chatty when I'm trying to write you somewhere that needs a wordcount?

Bri: Why aren't you writing something that needs a wordcount?

Me: Because I'm talking to you.

Bri: You shouldn't be.

Me: You realise that you are a figment of my imagination and I have no intention of taking orders from you right? I am going to post this little ramble on LJ and probably check the forums again.

Bri: *Shrugs* That's up to you...Ok, ok, shutting up now.

Ok, I've hit that week three stage where I hate everything I've written and am about to give up (again). After having a number of people remind me that there are many people further behind than myself I am still realising that there are probably many more far ahead of me. About all I can say is that I'm on target, not good enough IMO given that I've had no real problems so far this year.

The main culprit in all of this? The dreaded writer's block (and yes it does exist no matter what some optimists might suggest). The story I have so far seems incredibly disjointed, partly because I've been skipping about in an attempt to avoid getting hung up on one chapter that won't flow. There is much flashbacked goodness (the book skips back in time, not the characters 'remembering' stuff) and my favourite messenger who demanded a bigger role (yes I'm looking at you Bran) has talked to me and given me many hundred words. Of course being fae most of those words don't actually tell you much about him except that he wants to take over the story (we've had this conversation more than once and it's not happening, Bri and Aislin are the main characters no matter how much temptation you put in my way). Because of the way I've written my first chapter and given teh two girls a complete memory exchange, I haven't left Bri much to get confused over in the 'real world' which cut out a lot of what I expected to come up. I've had a fair amount of young Aislin in the human world which was fun but that seems to have ground to a halt after she stormed off in a huff because one of her friends had said the wrong thing.

Deirbhile (my bard) has had a nice little flashback scene and explained why she has a limp but it feels like there should be more to it than that. She started out with the intention of being an important member of the supporting cast but has rather faded into the background. Maybe she's sulking. Bran has revealed that he was taken and controlled by a member of the Unseelie Court because he allowed his temper to get out of hand and let them get into his head. He was basically used as a killing machine by one of his greatest enemies (I blame Laurell K Hamilton and her faerie porn). Something suggests that this enemy might be Aedan since Bran does mention that he is still alive and there seems to be a definite tension between them when they meet in chapter 1 (Which I might post in a seperate entry since I don't entirely hate it). That would give me something to go back an add in.

I also need something more with Aedan and Cael since they have been remarkably quiet lately which is a good thing from the pov of my characters but a bad one for plot/wordcount purposes. Then I have the Wild Fae who are my big bads (I think!), half way through my wordcount and they haven't put in too much of an appearance yet, there have been a couple of mentions of them and a couple of vague interactions but nothing that could really constitute plot. See, this is what I find most frustrating, I know what needs to be done, I have some vague idea where things are going and by the end of a thorough edit I might have a platform to write something halfway decent but I just don't seem to be able to get there. I've switched plot focus at least three times since the first of the month and that is just adding to the disjointedness of the whole thing.

Perhaps what I need to do is sit and do some planning, thing is if I do that I start to feel like I should be typing, should be upping my wordcount and that October is for planning not November. Of course what might also help is a good hard froth session with someone who won't try and take the story over. The write in today didn't happen for me for several reasons: 1, money. 2, feeling ill. 3, the knowledge that the main person I wanted to meet up with is at least 5,000 words ahead of me (probably more by now) and defines a bad day as under 3,000 words! (you know who you are and you know I love you really). The main problem seems to be that I'm expecting too much of myself, I've checked my spreadsheet from last year and I was only on around 13,000 at this point. I'm doing a damn sight better than that now so why do I feel so bloody depressed about the whole thing?!

Oh, I do appear to have invented a new faerie/monster type. Could have sworn that I've read about them somewhere but they don't seem to exist according to any search I've tried.
From the front they appear to be attractive human figures, when seen from behind they are hollow, merely a shell of the image they present. They appear to be fully capable of movement and thought despite not having any sort of physical musculature or brain (gotta love magical creatures) and I think that they seek out people's emotions (or maybe spirits) to fill the emptiness of their form. If anyone has any idea what I'm talking about or where the idea might have come from please let me know!

Ok, enough rambling now, I really should be setting my laptop up and at least attempting a wordcount for today. I'm thinking I might need to focus on my bad guys today, it's not much of a story without them and I have rather been neglecting them. Maybe that's why I'm struggling so much.

Sabrina is prophesied as a possible force for great destruction. Her parents' bloodlines go way back and together will create great magical power. Mother's bloodline is unbroken but the stories were lost when someone died in childbirth several generations back. Taken by the fae to ensure that she is brought up in such a way that she appreciates nature and magic.
The changeling is left so that balance is maintained between the two worlds.
The world is at a dark time in the cycle, a point of death, renewal and potential. Sabrina could tilt the balance between dark and light. Creativity/Destruction, growth. Growth is necessary but left to run rampant creates chaos and destruction.
Needs to be taken around age three. By that age most people have decided how the world works and what they must do to survive in it. (Look up)
Adulthood requires freedom and knowledge to make their own choices. Must be returned to their own worlds.
Do they meet at this point?
How much do they know of each other?
Was the fae child old enough to know what was happening?

Naming Ceremonies
Sabrina has not been christened but has been through a naming ceremony in which she was presented to the world as her parents' daughter.
The Changeling has also been named, giving her a true name. She has grown up being called Sabrina though. Sabrina is known in Faerie as Bri.


Fae MC
Aislin?

Apparent Age: 17
Height: 5'8"
Build: Slim
Eyes: Blue
Hair: Black

The fae child left in Sabrina's place. She has been living in the mortal world for 17 years and was raised as a human. Her magic is innate and requires little training, thus she will have had access to it whilst in the mortal realm.
She and Sabrina have had occasional contact but her mortal parents consider the other girl to be an 'imaginary friend'. Despite the contact occasionally occuring as the girls grow up, the parents have no suspicions other than the occasional worry that their 'daughter' is ill. She has had to deal with multiple assessments as she grew up, her fae nature comes through in certain things and she knows enough to know that telling her mortal parents what she really is is forbidden. Perhaps there was some message once she was old enough to understand explaining exactly what happened, or perhaps a fae child at the equivalent of age 3 is intelligent enough to understand. Certainly she will have seemed very advanced for her age in certain subjects and found it horribly difficult to pick up others. She loathes IT as computers do not like her.

How has she adapted to life in the human world - Very well, she knows that she is different and what she is but will not reveal what she is.

Does she realise that she is something different - Yes

Do her parent's know that she is something different - No but they realise she is not 'normal'. They think it is only human 'abnormality'.

Does she have any magic in the human world - Yes

Who is she in Faerie?

Why was she left in exchange for Sabrina - To keep the balance between worlds. Something left for everything taken.


Main Character
Sabrina King

Age: 17
Height: 5'8"
Build: Slim
Hair: Auburn
Eyes: Grey

A teenage girl (late teens) was taken as a changeling when she was a baby. Something has led to her returning to the 'real world'.

The things I need figure out to make it a semi-decent plot line are:
What was the official explanation for her disappearance (if any)?

Are her family/friends still around - Yes, time has passed at roughly the same pace in Faerie and the mortal realm.

How is she going to react to the world around her, technology and so on - She knows something of the mortal realm but not much. Technology will take some getting used to but she will not be afraid of it.

What happened to the faery child left in her place - She has been brought up in Sabrina's place. Their parents do not know that the fae is not their 'real' child.

How did she get back to the "real world" - It was time. She reached adulthood and needed to return.

Did she escape or has she enjoyed her time in Faerie - She has not entirely enjoyed her time as she has been in training. However she did not need to escape and will always have a place in her heart for Faerie and the people she knows from there.

How is she changed from her experiences - Not something that can really be answered because of how young she was when she was taken. She has a full knowledge of fae and the magic surrounding them. She is fully aware and capable of using her own skills. She has some different reactions to the expected that make it clear she did not have a 'normal' upbringing.

Why was she taken in the first place - She has the potential for great power and is prophesied as a force of destruction. She was taken for training and to try to avert the prophecy.

Does she have any magic of her own - Yes. Need to decide what.

Did she know what she was as she grew up - Yes.

Does she know what she is now she's back in the human world or does she still think of herself as fae - She knows what she is and what she should be doing but still thinks of herself as part fae.

Well the month seems to be looking up. The game last night had ups and downs, a lot of downs but all in all better than last week. Thorpe Park on monday courtesy of Lev, Birthday on Wednesday when I get to start spending the random £100 cheque I got in a birthday card from my Nana this morning! Stardust on friday (my treat for people) and probably Scion as well, depends how the time works out. Then we have Halloween/Samhain and as far as I know at least one person is thinking of having a party. Next stop Nano kick off parties and the frenzy of trying to churn out at least a semi-decent novel in a month. I'm sure this much stress shouldn't be looked forward to quite so much.

Novelling news, well there isn't much. I still haven't sorted out what my plot is doing, the idea of the Changeling and the human MC being twins of some sort appeals to me and I have something about shattered souls floating about in my head...Unfortunately that just brings images of Angel/Buffy episodes to mind. faerie with a soul, Vampire with a soul...not that huge a leap really. "But this is NaNo" you cry, "it isn't supposed to be good!" No it isn't but that's beside the point, I want a plot that won't make me cringe every time I sit down at the computer. Plot-phobia is not a healthy thing to develop in November.

So where am I?
I have a Fae Changeling and a Human MC. They are connected in some way that will require them to switch places either at birth or at a young age (5-7). Then, when the MC hits 17, something equally mysterious and probably magical will cause them to switch back.

I want a scene with the Human MC (Who is probably going to be called Sabrina) coming back to the 'real world' and finding it all a bit of a culture shock. That implies that, even if there has been contact between the two characters, she is not exactly familiar with this world or the things in it.

I want spangly scenes set in Faerie but I still want the human to be my MC rather than becoming incidental to the plot.

I like the idea of playing with the idea that Fae don't have souls but want to avoid getting into the christianity minefield. No, that's not exactly true, there's plenty of reincarnation in Celtic mythology which suggests the presence of something akin to a soul. I just need to pin down the definition I want to use.

I feel like I have a plot just hovering in the corner of my mind and it only needs one more piece of the puzzle to bring it bubbling up into a full fledged Nano. Unfortunately I don't know what that piece looks like never mind where it is! All help very much appreciated.

*pixie dust*

Yeah yeah, I know. Long time no update and no I'm not going to do my usual trick of saying that I'll make a big post telling you all of what's gone on. There's a lot happened, a lot of water under the bridge and a few bridges burned. Those of you who know me in person might have been told about it, if you haven't I probably had good reason for not telling you so don't pester me about it.

Next Sunday is Carnival of Souls and I'm looking forward to it, kinda nervous about the fact that I have a stall and visions of not selling anything.

Next month is NaNo...this is a good thing...at least it would be if I hadn't planned (yet again) to have finished Pryde and Honour all ready to start on part two (still working titled 'Tooth and Claw'). Still no badness right? Well I haven't done much more to P&H, still only on 70 something thousand words rather than the 100,000 of my target (Seriously, 50,000 in a month and nearly two years for the next 20,000 how does that work?!). Then I got new inspiration at some ridiculous hour last night...this is looking at a repeat of last year already. Ok so it's not really bad, just frustrating. I fully intend to complete my third year of NaNo with far less stress than last year (when I nearly quit half way through) or even '05 (when my computer blew up half way through). I should stop complaining really, I don't think I even had contingency inspiration this time last year, this is just my pre November freak out.

So, for those of you who are interested here is my ( random inspiration: )

Well, it's that time of year again and NaNo has landed in my lap while I wasn't really looking this time! Not that this will stop me winning of course, it just means that I actually have a life to put on hold this year.

What with moving, benefits craziness and work you would think that I'd be feeling burned out and not in any fit state to write. Apparently (thankfully) my brain doesn't work like that. I'm all excited about getting started again despite having absolutely NO outline and 3 plot ideas still floating about. Simara honey, if you're reading this, I'm sorry about yesterday and will explain all when you appear on MSN...Oh yeah, and get back to typing!
Hmm I think that might be why I'm getting excited about this year, I have company with the NaNo craziness who lives close enough for tea and frothing!

No outline is exciting, it means that things can just go where they want to go and I get to find out the story as I write it. One of my plots is shouting louder than the other two and it's something a little different from my usual high fantasy. Besides the MC is whispering temptingly in my ear (well she is a succubus) and promising to tell me all about herself if I'll only start writing her. Add to that random feelings of doubt about starting the sequel to Pryde and Honour when I haven't actually finished the first novel and I think I have my idea. Now of course I need to start finding names for various characters and a title. *Sigh* a writer's work is never done, at least not until November 30th!

This month is going to have my notebook glued to my side even more tightly than usual I think, I'll write down random ideas and paragraphs as and when they come to me at work, then write them up when I get home. Afterall I've written things like that before with no idea of where I'm going and it generally works. The insanity of moving is a little like the insanity of NaNo, it's a mad rush to get everything in by the deadline, then you can make something good out of the chaos at your leisure.

Ok, Ok, I can hear all the other NaNo-ers shouting at me, I'll stop procrastinating and go read the forums now ^_^
Good luck everyone.

*Pixie Dust - Launched via Trebuchet!*

Well, Pryde and Honour has finally come out of the depths of my Documents file. I've not got much more than 500 words done so far in the last 2 hours 45 minutes but at least it has put me at the nice round figure of 60,000 (and 4). I'm hoping that will spur me to write a little more, it's been really disheartening still seeing that 5 at the front of all the other figures. I know it's crazy and that 50,000 and however many is still a prodigious word count but 50,000 was my November 2005 target and it just felt like I hadn't really moved on. I need to get another 20,000 ideally, hopefully I can now get through this damned assassination attempt and on to something else; I have this image that once I'm through the bit that was causing issues it will all start to flow again...of course then comes the mire of editing!

On the subject of writing, I have to post someone's sig:

I wanted to write Deathless Prose
But I ended up with Undead Verse!

There was a discussion about writers' block going on (which I joined given my current state of affairs) and someone pointed out that we cause ourselves problems when we expect everything we write to be deathless prose. Then someone else got hung up on the phrase "Deathless Prose" and changed her sig to reflect it...I just love what she came out with, it might be one for the quote book.

Anyway, some good will come out of this enforced week off, when I can see straight I will use it to write in. Who knows it might be just what I need and at least it means that I will always have something to do!

*pixie dust*

The insane levels of endorphins have dropped somewhat over night and several phone calls have been made where I even managed to avoid screaming at people. I can look back on the last month with a little more objectivity now and honestly say that I'm glad I did it.

With all the ups and downs it has been a crazy few weeks but I'm there. I have a piece of work, I'm not calling it a novel until it's finished, of over 50,000 words and it's still going strong. I have the potential for another 30-50,000 words in this story and another novel to follow to tell the second half of the tale. I have all these big plans for publishing and the like but even if they never amount to anything I have the satisfaction of knowing that I have done something worthwhile in my life; something that so many people say they want to do and never manage. I've proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that I can silence my inner editor, or at least keep her on a short leash and that some of the things I write without her that I might have been tempted to edit into oblivion before are actually GOOD.

I was almost expecting a severe bout of after show (or after novel) depression to kick in today, it hasn't. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm still finding new people to tell or whether it's because I know I'm not finished yet but I still feel motivated. There is an immense feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment that nothing is going to take away from me, if I feel uninspired or depressed I can now go and look at the winners list or gaze at my certificate and know that I have done something amazing. That I have set myself a task and a deadline and I succeded despite the vagaries of real life. For the first time in far too long I feel justifiably proud of myself and I've learned that NaNoWriMo does more for me than all the prozac in the world!

I want to apologise to all the people who I've neglected this month and thank the ones who have had to deal with my occasional frantic phone calls when the dreaded writers' block has hit. A part of me still doesn't quite register that it's over, that I've won, I think that's because there is so much of the story left to tell. Perhaps when I've got that certificate printed and framed it will seem more real...

I'm going now or I'll just babble on all day, I might have won NaNoWriMo but I still have a novel to finish by the end of January.

*pixie dust*

*Runs around the room screaming*

I did it! Oh dear gods I did it! Go here, see the sparkly winners' banner on my profile! 50,260 words as of just before midnight! My normal(ish) life can now resume! Hopefully by the end of Jan/Feb many of you will be getting E-manuscripts along with messages begging you to proof read and critique, then I get to spend Feb/March making revisions and you all get to read it again prior to me potentially sending it off to publisher types in May...then I get to start on the next part of the series!

Oh my goddess I actually made it!!
*Runs around like a mad thing again*

Now I must actually sleep since I have work tomorrow. Must not carry on writing until it gets daylight again just 'cos I'm on a roll. I will finish the section I'm doing before I run out of steam and then I will sleep. Wow! So very very pleased with myself!...As you will no doubt all be sick of hearing shortly.

*Contented pixie dust*





There is no guilt, there is only bouncing!